Dispatches From The 7th Circle of Hollywood #3
Troy Hauschild
#3-Brushes With Stardom, or “Please Don’t Hurt Me!”
Celebrities are just like you and me. -Or that’s what everybody always says. Then you see how much press Jennifer Aniston’s (alleged) boob-job gets, or see the 65-page spread on Tom & Katie’s wedding and they don’t seem so normal after all. But one thing is for certain: They have to live somewhere. And since the “Media Machine” is in Los Angeles, it makes a lot more sense when you run into them checking out papayas at the Mayfair Market.
I wouldn’t call myself a particularly ‘star-struck’ guy, but my Illustrious Editor asked me to write about some experiences with celebrities since moving to LA. I’ve had a few.
One of the coolest ways I got near celebrities was when I signed up to be a ‘bleacher creature’ at the 2005 Oscars. Each year AMPAS (The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences,) holds a contest for passes to the bleachers outside the event. You sign up, and if you’re chosen, you’ll get to watch all the celebrities arrive, walk down the red carpet, and go into the Academy Awards. It’s a lot of fun. I signed up at the AMPAS website on a whim, and was picked out of thousands of entries. They ran a background check on me, and as improbable as it seems, I passed and was mailed an ID for the event. When I showed up, I was frisked, metal-detected, stood in line, then given a gift-bag and a great view to check out Scarlet Johansen’s butt in a Valentino dress. Good times.
Since I’ve worked as an extra, I’ve met tons of celebrities on set. Well, not so much ‘met’ as, ‘stood near’.. or ‘seen walk to their trailer’.. They all have their own reputations in the BG community. Some of our favorites are Martin Sheen and ‘Crossing Jordan’s’ Jerry O’Connell. Story goes that Sheen got started as an extra, and he still likes to be around them. I’ve shaken hands and talked with the guy several times. As part of Jimmy Smitts’ secret service detail on ‘The West Wing,’ I’d be hanging out in front of Stage 28A on the Warner Lot. Martin would be working on the stage next door, and he’d sometimes check up on us. During an inauguration scene, we were forced to wear long overcoats in 80 degree Los Angeles. Martin kept the crowd going by stealing the ADs’ megaphone and performing an hour-long standup routine. Another time, he famously got a Craft Service company fired (the guys who provide mid-meal snacks on set,) when they were cruel to a extra.
Jerry O’Connell (once the fat kid in ‘Stand By Me’,) is beloved by background actors on Crossing Jordan. He makes an effort to introduce himself to everyone on set. I shook him up one day when I met him in street clothes, and an hour later in a cop uniform. He felt bad enough about forgetting me that we ended up laughing, and talking for ten minutes about my picks for the Superbowl. That entire set is full of gracious actors and friendly crew, -which makes it popular (and therefore tough to get work on,) as an extra. I hear the same stories about ‘My Name is Earl’ and ‘Scrubs.’ (-all NBC shows.. Hmm..)
On the flipside, there are a few stars who have horrible reputations with Background. It doesn’t do me any good to name names, but a mom on a heartwarming family show has been known to call extras “cockroaches.” I’ve never heard it, but the stories are bad enough that the only ones that will work the show are the new, uninitiated or the desperate.
Maybe my biggest ‘sighting’ happened on ‘ER.’ I was standing outside Stage 3 on the WB lot with a bunch of guys -all playing paramedics and firemen, having their morning cigarettes. There was a real sense of bravado -they were talking about this chick and that fight, when a black Cadillac SUV pulled up. The conversation broke just long enough for Angelina Jolie to step out, flanked by some bodyguards. It was like a bomb had gone off. The guys just stood there, jaws open, and silent. Maybe sensing her interruption, Angelina actually smiled to this crowd of savages. Then she walked a few feet into the Section 8 office (Steven Soderberg & George Clooney’s company.) A half-hour passed, with the guys all talking about their take on her- what she was wearing, was she as sexy in real life as the magazine photos.. (-and yeah. She was.) But I think she noticed how the guys reacted to her too, because when left, the bodyguards pulled the Escalade up on the curb and she had to walk maybe two feet before getting in. -They weren’t going to take any chances with her being accosted by the extras. She drove past the crowd, and didn’t acknowledge them this time. But it was all I heard about for the rest of the day.
You can bump into famous people at any time in LA. A great place is the gym. I was doing curls at the Hollywood YMCA, when a guy passed uncomfortably close to my weights. I almost chewed him out when I realized it was Tim Allen, walking in with trainer. (He’s a big patron of the YMCA, so it’s probably good I didn’t yell at him.) Another time, I was listening (-or eavsdropping) on a conversation with Ron Livingston, of ‘Office Space’ fame. He was talking with another guy about a film and couldn’t remember the name of it. I interrupted with the title. Ron thanked me and since I was wearing my cubs shirt, Ron asked,
“Oh, are you from Chicago?”
“I lived in Chicago. But I’m from Kansas City.”
Ron’s eyes lit up, and he got very serious for a moment.
“Are you a CHIEFS FAN?!”
“Yeah.” I said. “Of course.”
“ME TOO!! We’re from Cedar Rapids, man! Come meet my brother.”
I spent the next half-hour BS’ing with Ron and Nick about how our football team was going to do that year.
One of my favorite stories is running into Mohammad Ali in Hollywood. -And I mean running into him. Of all places, I was walking out of a magic shop near Hollywood Boulevard and Cherokee, and physically ran into the man! So what would your first thought be, when nearly knocking over a boxing legend? Mine was “Please don’t hurt me!” Now, I know, the man is pushing 70 and has Parkinson’s Disease, but I couldn’t help thinking he could knock my head off if he wanted. My second thought was “Shouldn’t he be taller?” I’m 6’5″, but when I saw the man, I just assumed he’d be bigger than me. He was maybe six-even.
So all these thoughts are going through my head, and he’s just trying to get into the magic shop. (I guess he likes performing tricks for kids in hospitals and stuff..) So he’s standing there. And I’m standing there. And all I could come up with to say was “Hi!,” and run away as quickly as possible. That was my meeting with Mr. Ali.
For the most part, my brushes with the stars have inspired me. Meeting these sucessful actors (or sports legends) has broken a barrier in my mind about what’s attainable here. I mean, if a guy like Ron can make it from Cedar Rapids to a cult-classic film, to a prime-time TV show, why can’t I? I just have to stay a Chiefs fan along the way.
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Dispatches From the 7th Circle of Hollywood is a regular column on Wild West Film Fest.com . All rights reserved. Questions or comments can be made at circle7@wildwestfilmfest.com.
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